Relationships and Weight Loss
I'm pretty transparent with many parts of my life. If you know me from social media you know that I share a lot of my life (including lots of cute selfies, memes and silly videos!). I've also shared at some points, my struggles with dating since losing 188 lbs.
I know many of you can relate that having weight loss surgery or any significant weight loss affects us in many ways. Our confidence increases. We pay more attention to how we look, dress, act. We don't feel invisible anymore!
Its a huge transition from Addiction to Attention to Approval!
We feel confident when we get that attention and approval from the opposite sex. I've been there!
I went through a time when I did a lot of dating. I enjoyed the attention and craved it. It made me feel validated that my weight loss was real. That I was a sexy, valuable woman. Before, when I was 188 lbs heavier I always felt invisible to men and now...its an addictive feeling!
But, the important thing is to explore those feelings safely and then relax into your new self. Take the time to accept the new you! Embrace who you are and only invest your time and energy into the person who you KNOW would have loved you before. If there is even a question if they would have loved and valued you before you transformed, I say RUN!
Now remember, I am not married (yet) so this is the perspective of a single (now with a boyfriend) girl. So I wanted to get the perspective of some others. See below for some other perspectives from some members of my fabulous Facebook Group!
"In some ways my dating life has changed and in others it hasn't. I get much more attention now from men (and women) than I ever have before but it honestly really makes me uncomfortable. I guess I just don't see what they see. Although I'm still not dating anyone in particular, I'm hopeful that as I get smaller and used to my different body, that I'll get more confident and be able to flirt back!"
"Before weight loss surgery I craved attention and I craved men's affection. I became desperate and would talk to anyone who wanted my number. It's pretty early for me I just had my surgery on the 7th. I've gotten a lot more attention recently but I just am uninterested. I have read that some woman replace the food addiction that they have with sex so I think there is a part of me that wants to stay clear of that. I am just not really looking for a man right now which is a refreshing change to what it was before I always needed a man to make me feel pretty and valued,"
"I have noticed that my happiness and love life affect my ability to lose weight and not the other way around really. When I was content in my marriage, I lost quite a bit of weight and our relationship got stronger. However, as our relationship started deteriorating, as a result, I started gaining weight, or really struggling to lose weight. I was trying to pursue WLS as our marriage was falling apart, but I struggled for over a year to try to lose the required 20lbs, it just wasn't happening. Once I left him and I was free from his judgment and our issues, I dropped 20lbs without even really trying.
Because finally I was happy, I was focusing on myself and my happiness. I started finding it much easier to stick to an eating plan. I wasn't binging as much. Then I met my boyfriend. He is great, but he doesn't love the idea of surgery. It scares him and he doesn't understand why I feel it's necessary. So because I don't feel 100% supported, I am starting to struggle again. I've noticed that I have been reaching for bites of "junk" more often lately.
I am going to be having the surgery soon and in all honesty, I worry about how it will affect my relationship. I am not completely positive that we will survive it.
But I am completely focused on me and no man is going to stop me from taking care of myself!"